i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
