So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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