I just cut my nipple shaving
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize