His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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