I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
