fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
