Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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