They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
