I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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