you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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