i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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