Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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