two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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