Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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