You made me cry and you don't even care
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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