Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
