you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize