he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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