Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
