my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
