The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
