we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
