i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
