Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
