so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
