Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
