I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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