He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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