Can Purell be used as lube?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
