i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
