Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Who died my cat blue again?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
