using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
