im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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