what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have already put on my inside pants.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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