I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
