Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I touched a dick in church today
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize