There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
