I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
