What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
