lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize