i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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