Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize