He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
