Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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