This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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