I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
