You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
