So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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