So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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