I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
