her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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