I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
