I CAN MOONWALK!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
