everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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