one two three fourrrrnication!
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
