Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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