I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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