We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
