i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
