I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
