uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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