He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
