The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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