mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
