I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
