You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
