New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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