Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
