Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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