Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
