So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
