I'm going to jail i love you
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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