This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
