You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize