just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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