Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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