rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
