everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
