anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
