I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We had sex on a dog bed..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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