Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
