I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
