It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
