I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
