Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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