I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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