and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
did i just pee glitter
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
