Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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