Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
